The deadly sins are back!

This revision to this draft really added some aspects to what I have learned about conclusion and introduction. I added some sensory details and creativity but I'm really hoping to get more out of this from the peer edit. I think starting the intro with a question intrigued the reader instead of just starting the essay right off. I really worked hard on the conclusion to summarize and make sure key points were mention and really bring the whole essay together.

Seven Deadly Sins

College Composition

Seven Deadly Sins of Eastview Mall

            Have you ever been to Eastview Mall? Eastview mall, definitely the most common mall for us students here at Penfield high school, well it is for me anyways. I have lived in Rochester my entire life, and I am very familiar with Eastview. The changes the shopping mall has made, including renovations, new stores, stores disappearing, new additions, and restaurants. This mall is something that has been a place of shopping for me ever since I moved in Penfield fourteen years ago. But the thing is within in every corner, is a seven deadly sin.

            Gluttony, one of the deadly sins, consuming more than you require. Every single fast-food restaurant in the Eastview mall food court is responsible for this. Gaining money for selling unhealthy products, we inhale this food like a vacuum.  We Americans eat way to much of that fast food hence the obesity epidemic, there is such a desire for this due to something such as the food court that provides efficient food while you shop.

            Now I know what your thinking every store is greedy, they want your money in any which way and they use false advertising, credit cards, and commercial media to do it. When I first went to Eastview mall, there was Kaufman’s. Macy’s now has taken the place of all Kaufman’s around the country. The greed for power had brought this overpowering action to buy out Kaufman’s to bring a bigger and better corporation. The common trend is greed, and that’s what seven deadly sin is perceived my Macy’s.

            Pride, excessive beliefs in ones own abilities. L.L. Bean a brand new store added to Eastview this year is a perfect example. L.L. Bean is the all American store, brand, and retailer. When you’re in elementary school EVERYONE has to have their favorite color in an L.L.Bean backpack and matching lunchbox, it’s mandatory. It’s the all American brand and, their prices and excessive beauty of the new store show it.

            Lust which is power and the grave for money. Every girl in America wants to own something Coach, its so high end and expensive, you will be popular if you have it, right? The prices show their crave for money. The clear glass makes up that entire store with white shelves, so their products are the only things that stand out. They think they are the best and they want everyone to know it. Coach looks like empty office shelves, except instead of files, you find products with C all over them, and they are the “must have thing.”

            Envy, wanting what others have. Aeropastle is the pre-teen phase of a store. Its “cool” when you start wearing it but when the age limit is up not cool anymore. This is because Aeropastle has never ever been up to par like the top names for teen clothes. Abercrombie & Fitch, American Eagle, and Hollister all have there own specific logo and are wanted by teens across America, Aeropastle has attempted to get to this stage. Creating its own logo, having the same style clothes and store look. But it just hasn’t happened; they will forever envy the main three.

            Sloth, laziness. When I first began going to Eastview mall has a little girl, I would walk by Jessica Mclintock, a high end dress store and admire the dresses. When my 8^th grade formal rolled around, I found a dress that I loved from there and I got it. The workers were not very polite and didn’t go out of their way to help people out. The one lady didn’t even get up from the counter. This store later failed and is no longer at Eastview mall, which makes sense because they were lazy and didn’t work for the customer.

            Wrath, the last seven deadly sin, is the desire to harm others. Forever 21 a store that I have personally love to shop at, it was added to Eastview mall a few years ago. They have incredible prices for teen clothes and dress clothing. All my friends agree, and with tough economic times, this is what helps them succeed and what hurts others.

            The Seven Deadly Sins that have come and gone and were always at my local mall, Eastview. Whether it’s to benefit the company or not, they represent one of the sins. It’s all about making money in this case of the, seven deadly sins. But are the stores really out there to harm one another? Or work together as a unit to become one mall? Capital is what they all want and conducting a sin to do so, won’t stand in their way.